Skip to main content

Healing after a Failed/Disrupted Adoption


To the Reader,
You may have gone down this path or know someone who has. If so, I pray that this ceremony can bring comfort in such times.  ~John

Ritual of Healing for a Disrupted Adoption
Chaplain John L. Craven
18 FEB 2013


This ritual of healing is primarily for a couple that has recently experienced a disrupted adoption. Due to the nature of the event’s intimacy, I recommend that this ritual be performed with just the couple experiencing the grief and loss. A recommending place for this ritual would be an open park with view of the skyline toward the west. A place where the couple can see the sunset would be fitting and beneficial as well, but not necessary.

Place: A neutral (preferable not familiar) secluded place/park with view of the western skyline.
Time of ritual: A few minutes before sunset, 10 minutes.
Items: A helium-filled balloon with weight, picnic blanket, flashlight.


Instructions: Place the blanket on the ground comfortably. Place the balloon and attached weight in the middle. Couple may wish to sit side by side facing the sunset with the balloon as a center-piece. Begin the ceremony when both of you are comfortable and ready. There is absolutely no reason to rush this moment. This is between the two of you and the Sovereign Lord. He knows your heart.

Opening Our Hearts to You
(Holding hands in prayer)

Husband:Lord, you say in Isaiah 41:10, “…fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
…Lord, I need you now with me..
[pause in silence]
Wife:Christ Jesus, you say in Matthew 28:20, ‘And behold,  I am with you always, to  the end of the age.’
…Lord, I need you now with me.
[pause in silence]
Husband: “Lord, David writes in Psalms 23, ‘Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
…Lord, we need you with us. Please meet with us. Amen.


Our Confession, Your Assurance
Wife: God, we don’t know what will happen to precious [insert child’s name].
Together: But You know.
Husband: God, our friends and family don’t know how to comfort us right now.
Together: But You know.
Wife: God, we don’t understand your hand in all this right now.
Together: But You know.
Husband: God, we don’t know the answers right now.
Together: But You know.
Wife: God of heavens, in my brokenness and hurt how will I be able to strengthen [husband’s name] right now.
Husband: He knows.
Husband: Lord of all creation, in my heartache and grief how will I be able to lead [wife’s name] right now.
Wife: He knows.

[pause in silence]
Husband: Your Word says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” God hear our prayers not only for ourselves, but for [insert child’s name.]We will treasure the short time you gave us with [her/him]. We recognize that as we let go symbolically of this balloon, only You truly know the final destination. We will watch and pray as it leaves our hands, and we will trust You alone for its safety. In the same way that [insert child’s name] left our hands, only You know where [he/she] will go. God please grant us your comfort as we watch [him/her] leave our side.

Release the Balloon.
[Wife unties weight, and together they let the balloon go. Watch the balloon until it is out of sight.]
[pause in silence]

Our Continued Hope

Wife: Right here. Right now, As the sunsets,…Lord our only hope is in you. You say in your Word, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” May tomorrow’s dawn bring new hope to us. Amen.

Comments

  1. Oh gosh I stumbled on this site. Hoping things went well with the adoption of the 3 babies. Similar situation here, so out prayers are with you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for this. My husband and I experienced a disrupted adoption just 4 months ago when our son was 8 months old. His 1st birthday is tomorrow, so we will do this intimate ceremony tomorrow evening. May God bless and heal anyone who is or has gone through this.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Saying, "I am Sorry." Is Not Enough.

The blood pressure is finally normalizing. Your hands regain heat and your nose is no longer cold. The rush of adenaline has now causing you think a little more rational and you are gaining composure. Words have been said. Doors possibly have been slammed shut. Long rides to the gas station have ended with garage door being shut and both parties are finally breathing normally. THE FIGHT IS OVER.
No matter which side of the argument you are on. This is not the best moment for any marriage or friendship. But what is vital ....what is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL...is not to respond in a minimizing of the situation. What does that look like you might ask?
Resist Statements like: 1. "Sweetheart, I am sorry. But..." 2. "Sweetheart, I am sorry."
3. "It has been a rough week, and I am sorry."
4. "You just made me angry,...I am sorry."
5. "Its ok baby. Let's just don't worry about it."

These statements sound very good on the surface, but can gloss o…

Monday Musings: Being Affectionate During Church

Monday Musings are a simple break from the norms of this blog to address or arm-chair quarterback an issue.


Being Affectionate During Church


As a child I remember my dad sitting pretty close to my mom throughout the service. She would even lean in on him periodically during the sermon and share a Bible. They would even hold hands walking into the sanctuary. This wasn't every Sunday, but I do many remember many young couples would comment that they wanted to be like my parents when they got older as a couple.


So, I have found myself doing the 'yawning-technique' many times to draw Jessica a touch closer during the exposition of God's Word. I often get her hair caught in my arm, and I have to do delicate dance to make sure I don't turn a move of affection into a move torture. However, I grab her hand at times and she rubs my back when I lean forward in the pew to listen. I do not think I am being distracting or feel that I am over doing it either. I love my wife. I l…

Your Sermon Tanked. Now what?

You finished, and you know it. Your sermon sucked. Whether you bored them to tears, talked way too long about a point that was not important, or you failed to prepare. Whatever the reason, what do you do now?
Repent. I am serious. Recognize you were called to lead sheep, not confuse them. If you made a couple of poor decisions that ended with this result, then take the time first to ask God to forgive you. Then resolve in your heart to address issue and safeguard from it happening again.
Resist self-deprecating. “So, I know that wasn’t my best,…but what did you think?”; “Had a rough time preparing this one.” This a polite way of keeping people from truthfully critiquing your sermon. You will get a pat on the back, but keep using these excuses and your sheep will lose trust in you. However, you can find a reliable straight-shooting friend, who can give you honest feedback. They can also keep you accountable against ‘dud’ Sundays.
Revisit your call. Be encouraged, if you have preached an…