Skip to main content

Infertility and Why Husbands Should Lead in Comforting and Counsel.

    The Introduction: 
           Theological precision has its rightful place, and with equal footing, the serving of these truths must be compassionately timed, especially within intimate relationships. Eclipsed by my own pride and ignorance, I stumbled in this area many times early during my marriage. Desperately wanting to convey Godly leadership within my family, I found myself weighing every conversation to guard against baneful theological regurgitation and the impact it might have without thoughtful consideration. Oftentimes I would be paralyzed by own frustrations and excuses. On one hand never fully trusting the Lord to give wisdom on certain situations and on the other hand never truly knowing how or when to present what I believed to be the woman I loved.  This became fully realized on an autumn morning during our first year of marriage.
A chilling wind rushed into our lives in August, which left me staggering for theological balance.  I received a call in my office to come to where my wife was teaching preschool. Jessica had passed out while cleaning up the floors after the children’s lunch. Lying on the floor, through tears, she began to describe the incredible pain she was having. Helplessly I knelt beside her held her hand and listened. Little did we know, our first child was already in the hands of The Creator. Prior to that moment I thought I knew how to lead, but the winding road ahead was quickly becoming foggy and more treacherous.
A few more difficult months and years went by for us. Doctor visits. Hospital visits. Calendar marking. Testing. Surgery. Build up excitement and expectations on the foundation of professional direction and faithful prayers, would crumble every 28 days. There was no longer a point of the denying the fact: Jessica and I were infertile. In spite of all the evidence that showed we were capable of having children, the Lord had closed our womb.

Now, how was I supposed to begin to navigate the multitude of decisions and questions that we had. Are we to embrace our infertility with joy in light of the commands in the Scripture to procreate? Are we now disobedient to this charge? To encourage and comfort my wife, should we pursue all courses of fertility treatment? Even when we may have moral/ethical dilemmas with some treatments? How do I know when I should risk emotional hurt for a greater good for us both? How can I compassionate love my wife in this season and at the same time speak truth and direction when it seems antithetical to our situation?  These questions were just the beginning to our journey in infertility.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Saying, "I am Sorry." Is Not Enough.

The blood pressure is finally normalizing. Your hands regain heat and your nose is no longer cold. The rush of adenaline has now causing you think a little more rational and you are gaining composure. Words have been said. Doors possibly have been slammed shut. Long rides to the gas station have ended with garage door being shut and both parties are finally breathing normally. THE FIGHT IS OVER.
No matter which side of the argument you are on. This is not the best moment for any marriage or friendship. But what is vital ....what is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL...is not to respond in a minimizing of the situation. What does that look like you might ask?
Resist Statements like: 1. "Sweetheart, I am sorry. But..." 2. "Sweetheart, I am sorry."
3. "It has been a rough week, and I am sorry."
4. "You just made me angry,...I am sorry."
5. "Its ok baby. Let's just don't worry about it."

These statements sound very good on the surface, but can gloss o…

Your Sermon Tanked. Now what?

You finished, and you know it. Your sermon sucked. Whether you bored them to tears, talked way too long about a point that was not important, or you failed to prepare. Whatever the reason, what do you do now?
Repent. I am serious. Recognize you were called to lead sheep, not confuse them. If you made a couple of poor decisions that ended with this result, then take the time first to ask God to forgive you. Then resolve in your heart to address issue and safeguard from it happening again.
Resist self-deprecating. “So, I know that wasn’t my best,…but what did you think?”; “Had a rough time preparing this one.” This a polite way of keeping people from truthfully critiquing your sermon. You will get a pat on the back, but keep using these excuses and your sheep will lose trust in you. However, you can find a reliable straight-shooting friend, who can give you honest feedback. They can also keep you accountable against ‘dud’ Sundays.
Revisit your call. Be encouraged, if you have preached an…

Monday Musings: Being Affectionate During Church

Monday Musings are a simple break from the norms of this blog to address or arm-chair quarterback an issue.


Being Affectionate During Church


As a child I remember my dad sitting pretty close to my mom throughout the service. She would even lean in on him periodically during the sermon and share a Bible. They would even hold hands walking into the sanctuary. This wasn't every Sunday, but I do many remember many young couples would comment that they wanted to be like my parents when they got older as a couple.


So, I have found myself doing the 'yawning-technique' many times to draw Jessica a touch closer during the exposition of God's Word. I often get her hair caught in my arm, and I have to do delicate dance to make sure I don't turn a move of affection into a move torture. However, I grab her hand at times and she rubs my back when I lean forward in the pew to listen. I do not think I am being distracting or feel that I am over doing it either. I love my wife. I l…