Theological precision has its rightful place, and with equal footing, the serving of these truths must be compassionately timed, especially within intimate relationships. Eclipsed by my own pride and ignorance, I stumbled in this area many times early during my marriage. Desperately wanting to convey Godly leadership within my family, I found myself weighing every conversation to guard against baneful theological regurgitation and the impact it might have without thoughtful consideration. Oftentimes I would be paralyzed by own frustrations and excuses. On one hand never fully trusting the Lord to give wisdom on certain situations and on the other hand never truly knowing how or when to present what I believed to be the woman I loved. This became fully realized on an autumn morning during our first year of marriage.
A chilling wind rushed into our lives in August, which left me staggering for theological balance. I received a call in my office to come to where my wife was teaching preschool. Jessica had passed out while cleaning up the floors after the children’s lunch. Lying on the floor, through tears, she began to describe the incredible pain she was having. Helplessly I knelt beside her held her hand and listened. Little did we know, our first child was already in the hands of The Creator. Prior to that moment I thought I knew how to lead, but the winding road ahead was quickly becoming foggy and more treacherous.
A few more difficult months and years went by for us. Doctor visits. Hospital visits. Calendar marking. Testing. Surgery. Build up excitement and expectations on the foundation of professional direction and faithful prayers, would crumble every 28 days. There was no longer a point of the denying the fact: Jessica and I were infertile. In spite of all the evidence that showed we were capable of having children, the Lord had closed our womb.
Now, how was I supposed to begin to navigate the multitude of decisions and questions that we had. Are we to embrace our infertility with joy in light of the commands in the Scripture to procreate? Are we now disobedient to this charge? To encourage and comfort my wife, should we pursue all courses of fertility treatment? Even when we may have moral/ethical dilemmas with some treatments? How do I know when I should risk emotional hurt for a greater good for us both? How can I compassionate love my wife in this season and at the same time speak truth and direction when it seems antithetical to our situation? These questions were just the beginning to our journey in infertility.