Saying, "I am Sorry." Is Not Enough.

The blood pressure is finally normalizing. Your hands regain heat and your nose is no longer cold. The rush of adenaline has now causing you think a little more rational and you are gaining composure. Words have been said. Doors possibly have been slammed shut. Long rides to the gas station have ended with garage door being shut and both parties are finally breathing normally. THE FIGHT IS OVER.

No matter which side of the argument you are on. This is not the best moment for any marriage or friendship. But what is vital ....what is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL...is not to respond in a minimizing of the situation. What does that look like you might ask?

Resist Statements like:

1. "Sweetheart, I am sorry. But..."

2. "Sweetheart, I am sorry."
3. "It has been a rough week, and I am sorry."
4. "You just made me angry,...I am sorry."
5. "Its ok baby. Let's just don't worry about it."

These statements sound very good on the surface, but can gloss over the problems that are really going on. By minimizing the situation in Example #5 you are not addressing that an issue has happened. In addition, the issue could be SIN. This permissive approach to sin is not the Biblical response. Sin should always be taken seriously as an offense to God, then an offense to others. Example #2 is also not acceptable as it reflects a very easy statement to voice, but with no heart action. The offender takes no responsibility for the offense, but can merely walk away. Examples 1,3,4 are all ways we blame-shift.

BOTTOMLINE: Instead of pressing to solve the conflict quickly with a "I am sorry." Take responsibility for the action. Address the individual with the 'facts' of what YOU did. Example, "Sweetheart, I know that by spending beyond our budget I jeorparized our finances and also was dishonest in my marriage commitment." or "I apologize for what I said to you. Those were hurtful words I should have never said. Will you forgive me?"

TRY THESE STEPS:
Take responsibility for your actions.
Be specific in your confession/apology.
Ask for forgiveness.
Ask for support in pursuing holiness.

Comments

Day 54, Jenny McCarthy Kick My Butt Tonight.

As many of you may know, we Army soldiers are fit and rugged and can't be stomped into the ground by anyone who doesn't have a Ranger Tab. I mean, seriously, I wake up,...go do PT at 6:30 for 1 hour, then typically after work run 4 miles just to stay fit for the fight that keeps us safe. ((Doesn't hurt to look good for the gal at home either)). Yet, this evening, instead of going for my run, I dawned my PT's and turned on our Wii to try a new exercise system we got called, "Your Shape". Its simple. A video camera captures you on one window, Jenny McCarthy Avatar barks orders at you on the left window. While the exercises is happening, a constant feed on how you are doing is being sent in through the feed on the camera. I thought it sound preposterous and decided to show this system what a 34 year old, United States Army Captain can do. Choosing Advanced, Cardio, 30 minutes. I put the controller down and started the program. NOW...before I continue. God speaks ...

Day 67, Conversations that Change Us: Predestination

Sunday night a good friend of mine who is a West Point Graduate, and Battery Commander (Pretty Sharp dude) said, "Hey, I have got a question for you...What do you think about predestination?" Now, in many circles this would be resolved with two likely responses. 1. "Well, I think we should just leave those doctrines that divide the churches alone and focus on what really matters." 2. "Well, I have never really nailed down what I believe and thus will continue talking to eventually change the subject." I chose neither. I could tell that he had really been thinking about this. This was not one of those 'stump the chump' questions. I smiled and decided I would let him fill out the question and talk his way through it. As he did so, I would smile and put a guard rail or would give him what various views were. His eyes widened as he just began to have a huge dialogue with himself. I could tell his conversation was shaking and solidifying some idea...

Day 68, A Landmark Day.

About 365 days ago, I was sitting at FOB Falcon in Baghdad, Iraq working of filling out one of the first forms in our adoption. I remember walking to the Chow hall talking to some guys trying to explain that Jessica and I had finally made the first real decision and now it was going to be a long haul before we see some major results. Not to get your hopes up, we did not get a child just yet, but we are definitely at a point in the adoption that needs some celebration. At 0800 this morning, our profile is officially posted at our Adoption Agency Web site, which is where mothers can view our family profile. This sets into motion a major thing for us. For right now, this very hour, we could be receiving a phone call that would revolutionize our family. Within a short period of time today to about 4 months (estimate) we should be matched and possibly flying back to the states to hold the new Craven. How cool is that? Celebrate with us. Also join us in beginning to pray for Jessic...

Whiteboards and Pulpits

Search This Blog